is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
