It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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