I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
