that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
