I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
