I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
