His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
