That's intense
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
