I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
