somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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