Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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