1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
BRING THE BAGELS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
