Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
