this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
