True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
