I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
