I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
