Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
