My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
