I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
