If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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