just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
