....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All the doctor said was why
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
