opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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