is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
