would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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