I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
