I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
