tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
