I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
