i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
