i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
