I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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