Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
