Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
