I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
