1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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