I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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