I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
