If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
