Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
