i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
