I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
