so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
