I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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