he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
