Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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