I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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