is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
