Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
